hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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