i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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