Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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