Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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