so let's talk penis.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
