You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
