Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
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You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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