And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
