Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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