I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
