Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
