I cannot find my penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I want a musical about memes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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