I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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