I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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