She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
