OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
