At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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