I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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