did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I enjoy the company of your penis
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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