the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
