I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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