Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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