I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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