if i can run in heels then i can drive
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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