dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
