I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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