We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
