A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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