Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
