Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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