; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
