but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
