In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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