You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
