idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
