don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
