dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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