you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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