he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
