I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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