anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
