alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
