Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
