he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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