We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
