By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
