Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize