He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
