This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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