i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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