the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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