Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
