hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
