we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
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The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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