Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Drake has all the answers
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
