Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
