new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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