What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
