So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize