she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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