Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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