i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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