My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
