Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
