first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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