You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
