she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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