i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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