Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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