there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
