if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
